How To Stay Positive When People Try To Drag You Down
- Fiona Keene
- Apr 14, 2016
- 4 min read
Do not be discouraged. Your downfall today could be your biggest inspiration and achievement tomorrow. If you have fallen, get up, dust yourself and keep moving. Never give up.
Yesterday a “Facebook friend” posted on the Fiona Uncensored Facebook group. Apparently she added me in response to a post I shared on a popular Facebook group which we were both members of. In her message, she suggested I shut down my group and invite the members to join the other female group instead as ours was in direct competition with the other Facebook group. She said she was “disgusted” with the “imitating spirit” a lot of us Africans have. I replied by explaining that it is clearly stated in the group’s description that the group is an extension of the Fiona Uncensored blog and was created especially for women who do not want a full feature on the blog but wouldn’t mind expressing themselves casually by posting on the Facebook group page. I also added that the goal is to reach out to women and empower them in the best possible way and definitely not to compete with the other Facebook group. She insisted she was uncomfortable being a member of the group, so I granted her wish and removed her.
Shortly after the incident, I called one of my partners to explain what had transpired. She told me to brace up because this massive Facebook group had loyalists that would come after me so I better get ready for it. Just after I hung up the phone, my second blog partner called me and wanted to share with me some biblical scriptures. We prayed together after which I informed her about what had occurred. She advised that I change the name from “Women in Africa Uncensored” to “Fiona Uncensored” which I did without hesitation. She asked me not to worry and explained how some women take delight in bullying and being spiteful to other women. A short while later, I got a message from a friend that a screenshot of my conversation with my “Facebook friend” had been posted on the other Facebook group with almost 70, 000 members to see. This lady was determined to bring me down otherwise why would she have gone that far? My heart sunk, especially after seeing how the lady had twisted everything I said to her!
In her post, she vented how “extremely irritated” she was while spelling out my full name, making and emphasising comparisons between both groups. She said she was only friends with me on Facebook because I “posted a story that got to her”. She went on and on. Shortly after this message was posted I was removed from the group by their admin who made a comment stating that “the member who started a new group has been excused… to enable her better focus on her own efforts for women….” Some might call this shade but then again, I don’t blame the popular admin. As far as she was concerned, the reporter had presented a very strong case against me hence fairness and reason went out the window and no fact was checked. I became the enemy and was thus treated as such.
I certainly did not break any of the group rules neither were my intentions traitorous. In all fairness, I am still trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong. My intention for “Women in Africa Uncensored” was for African women all around the world to feel welcome to share their cultural struggles, accomplishments etc. hence I was hesitant to name the group “Fiona Uncensored” because I wanted women to feel that it belonged to them and not to “Fiona”. This is still my aim, however, to avoid unnecessary conflicts I had to change the group name. Nevertheless, I hope women at large can feel at home at Fiona Uncensored and appreciate that the group belongs to them. Perhaps God has a bigger plan. Perhaps Africa is too small a reach and women of all races face similar struggles that they would love to share on this platform. You just never know.
Well, another member of the popular group responded to her post in my defense and shed some light on the fact that “ideas are universal” and not everyone with similar ideas are out to maim or mindlessly imitate the others after all there are various groups on Facebook with similar objectives. If “Facebook friend” felt so strongly about my supposed wrong doing, surely there are other ways of effectively communicating her point across to me without trying to drag me in the mud or jeopardize my work. Oh well, I choose to always look on the bright side so here are a few lessons I learned from the situation so far;
Always surround yourself with supportive people. They will hold you up when you feel like giving up.
Do not engage in conflict. No matter how tempting the situation is, let the negativity pass.
Take some time to reflect on the matter, learn from the situation and grow stronger from the negativity.
Acknowledge your faults and take corrections.
Keep your own negative thoughts at bay
Be willing to take good advice.
Understand that in all you do (especially when dealing with women), there is always a possibility for conflict to arise.
Show love and empathy always, even to those who oppress you.
Understand and believe in your vision. This will give you reasons to thrive on when the odds are against you and you feel like quitting. And most importantly…
Never give up! I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. (Philippians 3:13)
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