Sex: Before and After Marriage

Sex Sex Sex. We love it, crave it and avoid it. So how then do these contradicting words fit into one sentence?

Sex can be referred to as being a lot of things. It can be explosively amazing, excitingly filthy, monotonously boring and absolutely disgusting. Yes it can be disgusting. For people who do not get aroused by golden showers, that aspect of sex is gross. For some ladies who have a man who ‘gets off’ like a horse, after giving him oral sex and he is all happy, you are left with a mouthful of semen thinking to yourself, how on earth do I make swallowing this unwanted ‘protein’ look sexy! Then you are left with this kind of mucus texture in your throat for the rest of the day (yummy). Nasty stuff and yet it turns him on.

When most women meet their partners, my oh my, are the men in for a ride! There is an attraction that is almost unexplainable. You and your partner sanitize a lot of places. Some people come out with bruises, strained ankles and bold front patches from their ‘weave’ being pulled on too hard. And do you care? Of course you don’t. Why? Because at the moment, every feeling you are getting is so sensational and electrifying that you could not care less if you are being bent too far down or you are almost doing the splits that your body cannot do under normal circumstances. The above continues for an average of about three months or so. For some, we sustain this or close to it till marriage and even babies.

Once married, baby or no baby, most women have a tendency to get comfortable and start settling for missionary and doggy position. With time, the adventures of being sexed on a kitchen counter and dining table die down due to new company like the house help or a relative moving in.

I know some of us reading this post want to place ourselves in the always-exciting category but that would be a lie.

Then comes the baby / babies. When your partner asks you for ‘some’ after a breastfeed, you give him that kind of eye like ‘guy you’re wicked o’. If you come from my kind of culture where they put you through some schooling on how to keep your man satisfied at all times in the bedroom department, you start trying to psych yourself into it even when your mind is not there! As you might be able to relate, as emotional human beings, the psyching will not do much but unlike most women, once the act starts, I tend to get into it. We are all different and so you will need to find what works for you as an individual.

The weird part of it is that most women want to go back to those first few months of sex madness but in some way, the men start getting used to the idea of not “rushing you” and taking of the clothes because they know that you are forever theirs and they can have you whenever they want. So the rush can disappear from both parties. So whatever you favorite positions are, you tend to stick to them. The excitement of tearing off your partner’s clothes before the act also tends to disappear. As a matter of fact, sometimes women discuss what happened with the kids, office or house-help whilst taking their clothes off before sex.

So here are a few suggestions on how to keep the fire burning

1. Do not settle for constant quickies. They will leave you wanting and your man will have got his and you will be left with a twitching clit.

2. If the sex is starting to get boring, discuss how you both can make it more interesting. If he does not want to listen, threaten him with replacing him with a sex toy, most men hate that. Especially spiritual men who do not believe in masturbation. I would personally suggest that if masturbation is a must for you, try to only practice it with your partner as it can be addictive and seeing as it gets you to cloud nine in no time, it might push you further away from sex with your partner.

3. Be adventurous. If hubby has his own office, go get a lunchtime quickie. Get ‘some’ in the car.

4. Good Morning Africa (morning sex) tends to relight ones the fire.

5. Get dressed up in lingerie, most men are suckers for it and I find it is a good way of letting him know you want him.

6. If your man is a freak, commit to being his ‘whore’ a couple of times in a month. After all, you knew before you married him otherwise you might have contenders. God forbid sha!

7. Ask him to be more verbal during the act and you should do the same. This will turn both of you on more.

8. Get him to give you incentives. Yes, it sounds crazy but I think some women have ‘whoreish’ behaviors even in marriage, so if it is a type of bag or shoe that will get you in the mood and you know hubby is good for it, then why not.

9. Remember you have to compromise in marriage, limit your NO or eliminate it if you can. I know it is easier said than done but we have to remember that men are physical beings. Be willing to compromise on this part.

10. Most women lack sex drives due to hormonal imbalance. If sex is not your thing, I suggest you look into getting tested. A simple supplement could be the answer to reviving your sex life.

Ok so some of you might be thinking, what if my partner is terrible in the sex department. Well, my dear, seeing, as you cannot run, get on your knees. No not for what some of you dirty minds might be thinking!

We need to remember that everything concerning our marriage needs to be committed into the hands of the Almighty Father. If it means you need to fast and pray, do it. Yes, you can pray about your sex life. A friend of mine mentioned during midweek fellowship that when she is praying in the morning, she even covers her generator with the blood of Jesus so it will not pack. It might seem silly but do not undermine the ‘The Power of a Praying Wife’. Besides, a woman who has not got some loving in a long time is constantly grumpy, snappy and unpleasant to be around and we don’t want that.

So ladies, go get yours. It is one of the great things about being married. Always look back on the days you wished he could just marry you already so you can finally enjoy him. If you were a spoilt child and enjoyed the goods before marriage, well look at it this way, you get to enjoy guilt free great sex.

Ladies, how else can we keep the fire burning? Kindly share your thoughts with us.