Friends To Watch Out For

Don’t you just love your girlfriend banter? You know those moments you reach out to your girlfriend(s) when you have some hot gist to share or when you just want a shoulder to lean on at your lowest times. Yeah! I do too.

Unfortunately a lot of us get badly burnt by those we call friends at some point. I have found that very few women are completely genuine in friendships especially when it comes to being happy for their friends. Most of us believe that we are the better friend. Everyone else is the bad friend but us. We rarely step aside ourselves to truly self-examine if indeed we have been fair and true to those who depend on us for friendship. Even worse is when we justify our actions with our faith. Makes me wonder why female relationships can be so complicated. Why do they take so much work to sustain?

Growing up I was hurt by a friend who just seemed to get high from sneaking behind my back and sleeping with my boyfriend at the time. I always caught them exchanging funny looks whenever we hung out but I never thought much of it. Now I look back in retrospect, I see how naïve I was. This particular incident made me skeptical about making new friends that I literally analyzed and chose my friends very carefully while in university. This paid off because I am still friends with most of them till date.

Getting married and moving to Lagos meant that I had to start the process of forming new friendships all over again and I can assure you that I was not in a hurry. Most of the friends I eventually made were wives of my husband’s friends. One day, one of such friends came to my house and told me that her husband was having an affair. She had been observing him for a while and she had found supporting evidence on his phone. I of course sympathized with her and to a certain extent, I empathized with her too. She told me that all the while he was lying to her, his friends were covering up for him and for some reason she is sure that my husband was also having an affair. I am sure she did not notice, but my heart started racing and Ifelt faint and nauseous. I was a newly wed at the time! To be fair on her, I doubt she knew the gravity and impact of what she was saying as she expressed her pain to me. And to date, I am not mad at her. She went ahead to tell me about the hotel that “the guys” use.

Now bear in mind I was relatively new to the area but what struck my naïve mind was the fact that the place she mentioned was a place my husband and I make a conscious effort to avoid because it is practically run by family members. Furthermore, the dates she claimed her husband was out with my husband were days he was home with me! Now if not for the proof I had here and there, imagine how easily the situation could have turned ugly. Oddly enough, her husband seemed to me to be very disciplined and I thought this behavior was unlike him. I had seen him in way more compromising situations even before I met her, and he never caved in! Consequently, I could not help but wonder if she pushed him into another woman’s arms? But I shook that thought off because at the end of the day who am I to judge? I guess an affair is an affair and we should not make excuses for the perpetrators, right?

My point is misery loves company and we have to watch out for friends who try to bring us down in their downtime and make us feel like what we have is too good to be true. You have a right to enjoy your relationships, your new fancy job, your brand new car, and your new outfit until the situation proves otherwise and even if it does, you have the right cry a river, build a bridge and get over it!

Some women never enjoy their relationships because they are afraid of the unknown. Do not let this be you. That is the thing about love; it can be scary yet beautiful. I am not saying you should do “mumu mumu love” o. What I am trying to say is that; if it’s not broken, don’t fix it!

Another type of friends to watch out for are those who always want what you have. Be it a man, a pair of shoes, a car, a degree, hair extensions, you name it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok to admire your friend’s style or taste. It’s ok to ask for their hairdresser’s number or where they shop. However, some ladies go the extra mile and just want to be you. They will only be satisfied if they have exactly what you have… then comes competition and jealousy! Jealousy is one of the biggest issues in female friendships. Here in Lagos what you tend to find is a bunch of ladies claiming to be friends but all they are really doing is ‘forming for each other’. This trend makes the whole friendship thing frustrating and encourages a lot of people to keep to themselves.

My few friends understand that my biggest flaw is keeping in touch. I admit to it and I’m trying to do better. I have been repeatedly teased of how marriage and motherhood has made me slack in my social life but I make an effort to ensure my friends accept me for who I am and vice versa. A few days ago, I spoke to a friend who is a media personality with a crazy schedule, we both apologized to each other for the silence, caught up and had a good laugh. In my opinion, friends should be accepting, understanding, forgiving and extremely supportive. If you start feeling a hint of jealousy towards your friend, please pray against it because it can make you miss out on your God Given Purpose / Calling.

If you are that friend who always “finds herself” with her friend’s boyfriend or husband but can’t seem to help it, then it might be beyond you. It might be spiritual! Yes. I know some of you will read this and go “what?” but it’s true and it happens. Deliverance might be the way to go.

In the meantime ladies, please choose your friends wisely. Some friendships are not worth your time. Sometimes, as difficult and as hurtful as it may seem, letting go of those you love who keep hurting you may be the best route to take. Find the good in good-bye, not every friendship is meant to stand the test of time.

Have you ever been hurt by the person you thought was your friend? I’d love to hear from you.