How To Get Rid Of The Side Chick: Part 1

If you are seeing this post and thinking, ‘I can’t believe it has come to me reading posts like this’ then you are not alone. Many women who thought they would leave their partner after finding out he is cheating rethink the situation and want to salvage their relationship depending on the circumstances surrounding the situation. But first, in order for you to be successful, it is important to know what part you have played in him having an affair (if any). It is not always all his fault. (Post for another day). Secondly, you need to identify how deep the relationship is for your partner and the side chick so you can know what strategic steps to take to end it. Then thirdly, you need to get in the mind of the sidechick. In other words, you need to know what she is thinking, feeling and doing to(wards) your man.

Ready? Okay so let’s dig in. There are 3 stages to being a side chick (in my opinion). 1. Just being spontaneous and wanting to have some fun (which might at times only lead to a one night stand) hence having a fun buddy. In this stage you also have the side chick that is not physically attracted to the man (specifically married men), but loves the money he spends on her. Though it is arguable that it is middle aged married men that tend to fall in this category. 2. Spending time together whenever an opportunity presents itself. Emotions at the stage can exist but one or both parties trade with caution. 3. Side chick falls madly in love with involved man and begins to come up with ways she can replace the main chick. Such as threatening to tell the wife/ partner or deliberately getting pregnant. Seeing as each stage applies to different women, we will explore this in 2 different posts. Today we tackle stage 1 and 2. Stage 1 might not seem quite as bad as stage 2 and 3 but you still have a big issue which is, the side chick can easily turn into stage 2 or 3. Also, if your partner is promiscuous by nature, you have mistresses to get rid of and not just one!This is a tough one because your focus has to be on your partner. He is a pro at this. He does not want the girls to get to stages 2 and 3 so he focuses on hit and runs and he is very careful at that. Hardly sloppy. You need to identify the foundation (i.e ancestral, broken heart, bad company, not in love with you, insecure etc) of this continuous behaviour. So how do side chicks think? And how can you beat them at their own game? Most side chicks who want to keep up a (sexual) relationship with a person who has a main partner, know what to expect. They don’t expect the relationship to be more than what it is—a way for both of them to have a good time and not worry about where the relationship is going. They understand that being a side chick is risky for everyone involved. They might have taken time to consider their emotions and how they would feel about the main partner finding out about them. They know what to expect (mostly), what it takes to be a side chick, and reflect on the implications of their actions (but most times can’t help but going ahead with the affair). 1 They tend to keep the situation to themselves. It is important for them to keep the relationship as much of a secret as possible. Ideally, only they and your partner know about the relationship. Their closest friend may find out about it, but they try to avoid telling anyone else about their status as a side chick. They understand that they shouldn’t tag their partner (in crime) on social media, and do not invite him to holiday gatherings or vacations. • It may be tempting to tell people about their relationship—especially if feelings get involved aka stage 2/3. They usually are left with the decision of whether they are willing to maintain a relationship that can’t be celebrated with friends and family. • Relationships require honesty. If one has nothing to hide, then it is not mandatory for one to be secretive about passwords and constantly pocketing their phones. (It is important that women understand that am not encouraging them to check their partners phones). Watch out for his mannerisms like taking phone calls outside and always messaging in the bathroom. Or constantly looking through their eyelids to see if you are close or watching their move. These little signs we tend to ignore can help avoid side relationships getting to stages 2 and 3. Remember the idea is for you to evoke the feeling of suspicion so he can be more careful and maybe even consider breaking it off with the side chick. Not to turn into a psycho like Angela from Tyler Perry’s why did I get married. Your suspicion will freak him out. 2 They (painfully) expect plans to change. They understand that ‘their’ partner has a significant other that he has to put first. It is very likely that ‘their’ partner will go to great lengths to keep you (main chick) from finding out about them, so they expect plans to change at the spur of the moment. I.e they might have plans for dinner, but the man may cancel at the last minute if you as their significant other needs them. This part is very crucial to salvaging your relationship because the less time he has with her the better for you. Why? • It will not help the side chick to express frustration over canceled plans. Canceled plans will probably be a common occurrence so to frustrate her even the more, keep your man busy. During this time, make sure you are doing all the amazing things that he would have been doing with the side chick like a candle light dinner, spontaneous and exciting sex, make him feel like a man by showing (not demanding) interest in items that you know he can afford and might buy for the side chic like a nice bag or pair of shoes. Some of us become so independent in the spirit of ‘supporting’ him that he has quite a bit to spend on the side chick. The more fun and exciting you are, the more willing he will be to cancel his plans with her. 3 The side chick knows not to ask about where the relationship is going. Why? Because your partner has not left you as his significant other for reasons (best known to him). There could be many reason for this. For example, your partner may have built a life with you that would be difficult to get out of. Or, your partner still wants a future with you and just wants to be with the side chick for a fun and relaxing time (which you might have replaced with nagging and constantly denying him of his right to certain marital affairs). Side chicks try to avoid asking about where the relationship is going but they sometimes fall in love and cannot help but ask. They are usually disappointed with the answers because for some reason, they tend to forget the time the man invested with you as his significant other and he is not likely to give it up just like that. • The side chick is in love with a fantasy (others the money). A few succeed but it is extremely rare. The ones that usually do go to extreme measures (seeking powers in dark places) to destroy their partner’s relationship with the significant other. So before it gets to that, accept your faults (not that it is an excuse for him to cheat). The times you should have put in but always said you were tired to spend time together because of work, kids or whatever it might be. The times you should have been praying for him without ceasing for God to deliver him from all evil. I sometimes pray like this, “Dear God, give my husband divine direction at all times”. Do you see how many prayer points am covering in just a sentence? Another one is, “Father guide his footsteps that he will not cross paths with any marriage destroyers”. See how that covers side chicks and useless friends? Accept your faults and forgive him and yourself. So you can push out that side chick with wisdom and not emotional anger which can lead to mistakes and exposing your family to a (possibly crazy) woman you barely know. 4 Side chicks focus on their time with ‘their’ partner. Trying hard not to think about the past or future. Focusing on the present. Because of this, they enjoy the time you have with your partner and leave each moment as if it is the last they might see him. Therefore their interaction is usually intense with mind-blowing experiences which you might be too “tired” to try with your partner. Beat the side chick at her game. Live life as if it is your last everyday. Don’t postpone spending quality time together because a week can easily become a month then a year. Before you know it, you are confiding in your friend(s)that you have not had sex in a year. 5 Side chicks work hard to avoid falling in love. Sadly, it is the very reason why they do fall in love. It is completely natural to develop feelings for someone that you are having a romantic relationship with. Falling in love, however, will likely end up in heartache for them. Feelings can’t be controlled, but they make an effort to not fully invest in the relationship until they just can’t contain their emotions any longer. • For this very reason, a woman will go to great lengths to steal him away from you. I am not saying women have to stay and make it work. This is entirely up to you. I am saying it is wiser to do so for the sake of the time and emotions invested in the relationship. Some men are simply pigs and will jump on anything that has a pulse. On that note, I will say, only you can decide on whether the relationship is worth fighting for. If he is a good man that lost his way, he will happily commit fully if you give him all kinds of tender loving care. Replace whatever was missing so that there is no need for him to look for it outside. Encourage sharing your likes and dislikes especially when it comes to the matters of the bedroom. Let him air out the things you do that push him to go sit in a bar all by himself (simply because he needs a break from you). So there you have it! Keep it in mind ladies, this post is for those who have chosen to stay. As the saying goes, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Join me on the second part of the post where we tackle how deal with a side 3 side chick. Let’s stay in touch on instagram @fionauncensored