My Green Grass Syndrome

My grandma married very young, lived in the same place her whole life and had 8 children. She never had a career and never got a chance to go on fancy vacations. To me her life was crude, hard and devoid of any real opportunities. Very much unlike my life and the options available to me.

But you see, the problem with having options is that it makes me anxious, makes me think what I have is not enough, makes me wonder about the next big thing. I always think someone else is having it better time than me, a better career than me, a better life than me. “Say no to mediocrity” I tell myself, “You can do way better than this”. I lie awake at night torturing myself over what I should do next, wondering if I'm missing out on something big. I feel I’m wasting my life if I’m not doing something more important, something more adventurous, something more successful, something more thrilling. I always want more. Then comes misery because I spent all my time and energy focusing on the things I lack rather than counting my blessings with utmost gratitude.

So I start to move around in search of "my happy place", jumping from one job to another, from one project to another, never fully committing to anything. Ironically, once I arrive at where I thought the grass would be greener, I realize that after I get over the temporary high, I don’t feel any better than I did before. So I start to wonder about the grass being greener somewhere else. My rat race continues, an endless pursuit of happiness.

I have found that focusing on things I don't have is a recipe for disaster which only leads to a more miserable existence. It causes me to forget what is most important and all the positive things happening in my life. I often forget that the whole point of happiness is peace of mind, acceptance and contentment. Basically, it’s being happy no matter where you are in the world, what you are doing, or who you are with.

I wonder what life would have been like for Grandma had she lived in the world I live in today. Would she have been happier? Would she have felt more fulfilled? But I'm slowly coming to realize that grandma might have just been fine with her lifestyle. She might have just been happier than I am today. Her life was simple and perhaps there's a clue to that. Maybe the simple life is where peace reigns. So I make an effort to embrace everything that comes along, good or bad, and enjoy everything life has to offer. Whenever I feel myself losing focus and wondering where I’ll be happy next, I pinch myself back to reality. Look at all I have achieved, it’s not half bad!

Life has taught me that happiness is not about where I go. It is not about being on an impossible mission to do everything, see everywhere and accomplish everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Happiness is a state of mind which I can achieve by focusing on the good around my current location, my current relationships, my current job and routine. It’s in finding ways to enjoy the moment rather than dwelling on all the things that I could be doing elsewhere.

So when my green grass syndrome sets in, I try to assure myself that my grass is green enough! And even if the grass really is greener on the other side, who said I like dark green?

#happiness